Recently I have raised a few eyebrows amongst my acquaintances about my commitment to chastity. Now by chastity I mean no sexual relations, therefore making way to deeper intimacy with God. This by no means raises the assertion that people who have active sex lives can not attain to the same intimacy with God, in their own way.
See I have discovered through experience that the way God has wired (or made) me, for me to achieve maximum fulfillment in life, it is necessary to live chastely.
This is in some ways and at particular times, a crucifixion of sorts. As I have no doubts marriage and family can also be! However, overall the results for me are far beyond my ability to describe.
Recently I was watching a documentary about Queen Elizabeth II, where she was followed by a video camera on her daily routine. She shares about her duty as queen, how her job never ends, how she was born into it and how difficult it can be.
Her life was no longer hers, she says, it belonged to the Kingdom.
Sounded a lot like the vows a monastic, priest, bride or groom make.
Elizabeth really enjoys what she does, it was self evident in the care she took reading letters, the careful way she did her own ironing before dressing for a ball, but most of all it was in her smile. I think Elizabeth was wired for the type of life in which she lives.
Chastity has become out of vogue, deemed unnecessary and overboard in modern society.
I can not feel this farther from the truth, if not the opposite.
For those who God makes for this purpose, it is the only path to maximum potential and ultimate fulfillment.
So what type of person is wired for such a life? Well it is usually someone who is drawn to contemplation, has an unquenchable thirst for 24/7 prayer, loves people and wants to be useful to them and bring them closer to God. This type of person never tires of God, religion, spirituality, discourse, serving God and others and spending time alone with God, who is their intimate partner.
Ww all have different gifts, someone like myself in a marriage, although I would have moments of happiness and bliss, overall it would not be fulfilling for me, less fuifilling for my spouse and often dysfunctional.
People like myself need your prayers, understanding and support, this path is not easy and comes with it's own unique set of challenges.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
Back to blogging
It has been a while, however, I am back.
So much has happened since my last post, it is difficult to know where to begin.
Recently as of September 12, I was licensed by Bishop Mark Sisk of the Diocese of New York as Eucharistic Minister/Visitor as well as Worship Leader to lead services of Morning & Evening Prayer at the Cathedral of St. John Divine.
This coming Wednesday, Michaelmas, I will be taking vows with the Order of Urban Missioners. The order was formed by Canon Victoria Sirota+ as a community of Christians ordained and lay who support each other spiritually in their various ministries. We have just finished a retreat at Holy Cross Monastery in West Park Ny, just in time for our service of coventing on the 29th at the Cathedral.
This will be such an incredible blessing as I embark on these new ministries.
I have been computer deprived since April, so it has been impossible to blog!
I am delighted to be able utilize blogging as a form of journaling if nothing more, if anything to stay in touch with other blogs that I follow.
I was not able to post this as planned yesterday. The service of vows was extradordinary! Bishop Mark Sisk presided and preached and it was a brilliant evening! I am still on cloud nine! Thirty of us took vows, may God bless and keep us on our journey of faith and service in the city!
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Thank You
I want to thank all of the bloggers out there who have educated us on current events within The Episcopal/Anglican Church. Both the good news and not so good news. If it were not for your faithful posts and thoughtful commentaries, we would not be so well informed and inclined to pray for those matters which need our prayers.
Leo, you are in my prayers & also in our prayers at the Cathedral of St John the Divine for a fast and full recovery!
Leo, you are in my prayers & also in our prayers at the Cathedral of St John the Divine for a fast and full recovery!
Light A Candle
Christ Is Risen! Alleluia!
"It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness".
This is a Chinese proverb my Polish Mama would say as an anecdote to anything wicked, evil or unethical. It sure caused me to look at something from a fresh perspective, especially if it were followed by the sign of the Cross and her telling me to pray for them. In our home the very word "hate" said (or detected) in any tense was a swear or curse word. We were taught to love everything even people most difficult to love. With that said, Archbishop Akinola and (in my opinion) Archbishop Rowan Williams seem to be of one mind and heart in their criticism of the Episcopal Church. It sure seems like darkness to even mention the notion of more schism within the Body of Christ, in the case of TEC over the consecration of Mary Glasspool to the episcopate. *Heres where I light a candle* Evidentally the Holy Spirit has (in my opinion) consecrated her when she received the necessary votes to accomplish the final stages of the process. May God grant her and her beloved Becki with many blessed years!! The light of Christ has illumined our Church to see beyond what divides and darkens into what is truly righteous and (w)holy! These opposing bishops remind me of Saul before he was thrown off his horse. Saul was a ambitious pharisee and knew the Laws of Moses like the back of his hand. He persecuted Christians with fervor. Then Jesus turned his world upside down and "Paul" became first of the apostles, converting thousands! The irony of God...that's one of the reasons God thrills me so much! So beloved in Christ, let's light a candle for the chance anyone of these our brothers gets "knocked off his horse" so to speak. Let's keep in the light, because on May 15, despite threats and consequences, our sister Mary will be consecrated as an apostle and shepherd in the Diocese of L.A. We in TEC walk in love and in the light of Christ!
"It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness".
This is a Chinese proverb my Polish Mama would say as an anecdote to anything wicked, evil or unethical. It sure caused me to look at something from a fresh perspective, especially if it were followed by the sign of the Cross and her telling me to pray for them. In our home the very word "hate" said (or detected) in any tense was a swear or curse word. We were taught to love everything even people most difficult to love. With that said, Archbishop Akinola and (in my opinion) Archbishop Rowan Williams seem to be of one mind and heart in their criticism of the Episcopal Church. It sure seems like darkness to even mention the notion of more schism within the Body of Christ, in the case of TEC over the consecration of Mary Glasspool to the episcopate. *Heres where I light a candle* Evidentally the Holy Spirit has (in my opinion) consecrated her when she received the necessary votes to accomplish the final stages of the process. May God grant her and her beloved Becki with many blessed years!! The light of Christ has illumined our Church to see beyond what divides and darkens into what is truly righteous and (w)holy! These opposing bishops remind me of Saul before he was thrown off his horse. Saul was a ambitious pharisee and knew the Laws of Moses like the back of his hand. He persecuted Christians with fervor. Then Jesus turned his world upside down and "Paul" became first of the apostles, converting thousands! The irony of God...that's one of the reasons God thrills me so much! So beloved in Christ, let's light a candle for the chance anyone of these our brothers gets "knocked off his horse" so to speak. Let's keep in the light, because on May 15, despite threats and consequences, our sister Mary will be consecrated as an apostle and shepherd in the Diocese of L.A. We in TEC walk in love and in the light of Christ!
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Breaking The Silence
The sex abuse scandal of the Roman Catholic Church has hit an all time high, reaching all the way up to the Chair of Peter, Pope Benedict XVI himself. I have remained silent until recently on how close to home this issue hits for me. I am a survivor of clergy sex abuse which began for me at age eleven.
I was an altar boy who had his sights set on priesthood from as early as I can remember. I was raised in the Church by a very pious Polish Momma and the priest for me represented the ultimate of role models. He was everything I had aspired to be from a very early age. I was one of twenty four grandchildren and the "chaplain" when we played Church as children. I arranged a vast array of liturgical services ranging from the Mass to more elaborate May Crownings of the Blessed Virgin Mary statue that stood in the middle of Momma's birdbath, outside her kitchen window. The procession began in the kitchen, out the side door, Momma then my cousins, Kelly with the homemade crown made of flowers and me in my makeshift vestments in the rear bellowing "Immaculate Mary" at the top of my lungs. There was no greater joy for me than these moments with my cousins. Everyone was always happy to take part, however often I would officiate.
So when I became an altar boy I could not be close enough to the priests I served Mass for. Whatever he asked of me was never a problem. Even if it were something I would feel so much shame and awkward confusion for, it would get filed into the recesses off my mind, so the pain would not disable me from functioning. Well even though it did not totally disable me, it had a terrible impact, one my mother saw and would make numerous attempts at trying to help me come to terms with. She bore the pain for me at that time, watching her son isolate and at times become emotionally unavailable. Her hands were tied, I would not even admit to myself it was happening let alone to her and in the 1980's there was little publicity on the topic. To be continued...
I was an altar boy who had his sights set on priesthood from as early as I can remember. I was raised in the Church by a very pious Polish Momma and the priest for me represented the ultimate of role models. He was everything I had aspired to be from a very early age. I was one of twenty four grandchildren and the "chaplain" when we played Church as children. I arranged a vast array of liturgical services ranging from the Mass to more elaborate May Crownings of the Blessed Virgin Mary statue that stood in the middle of Momma's birdbath, outside her kitchen window. The procession began in the kitchen, out the side door, Momma then my cousins, Kelly with the homemade crown made of flowers and me in my makeshift vestments in the rear bellowing "Immaculate Mary" at the top of my lungs. There was no greater joy for me than these moments with my cousins. Everyone was always happy to take part, however often I would officiate.
So when I became an altar boy I could not be close enough to the priests I served Mass for. Whatever he asked of me was never a problem. Even if it were something I would feel so much shame and awkward confusion for, it would get filed into the recesses off my mind, so the pain would not disable me from functioning. Well even though it did not totally disable me, it had a terrible impact, one my mother saw and would make numerous attempts at trying to help me come to terms with. She bore the pain for me at that time, watching her son isolate and at times become emotionally unavailable. Her hands were tied, I would not even admit to myself it was happening let alone to her and in the 1980's there was little publicity on the topic. To be continued...
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Thoughts on Psalm 42
The Psalms are such timeless hymns of praise and also prophesies, lamentations, stories, prayers, but most of all a prose of man's love affair with God. The ups and downs, the pleas and thanksgivings. Out of all the prophets, apostles. matristic/patristic writings, I personally relate best to the psalms and David. I relate to his sin, his fears, his vulnerability, his love for God and his humanity. When I was a monk we would recite the entire Book of Psalms during the course of a week in the daily cycle of prayers. This causes them to penetrate and take root in the heart after awhile. Perhaps this was monasticism's greatest gift to this sinful soul.
Today I woke up to Psalm 42 in my heart, in particular verses 1 and 2...
"Like a deer longs for the water-brooks,* so longs my soul for you, O God.
As I sat in St Martin's Chapel at the Cathedral waiting for Mass to begin, yearning to feel our Savior in the breaking of bread. How we long for God!
"My soul is athirst for God, athirst for the living God, * when shall I come to appear before the presence of God?
Here I was....awaiting with my sisters and brothers, I felt so close to each one of them it was difficult to discern to any seperation, we were one body, one spirit, together longing to taste and see the one precious and living God!
"I pour out my soul when I think of these things: * how I went with the multitude and led them into the house of God"
Thank you God for this experience and these dear and beloved parts of you I shared communion with today. Keep them and bless them always. Amen.
Today I woke up to Psalm 42 in my heart, in particular verses 1 and 2...
"Like a deer longs for the water-brooks,* so longs my soul for you, O God.
As I sat in St Martin's Chapel at the Cathedral waiting for Mass to begin, yearning to feel our Savior in the breaking of bread. How we long for God!
"My soul is athirst for God, athirst for the living God, * when shall I come to appear before the presence of God?
Here I was....awaiting with my sisters and brothers, I felt so close to each one of them it was difficult to discern to any seperation, we were one body, one spirit, together longing to taste and see the one precious and living God!
"I pour out my soul when I think of these things: * how I went with the multitude and led them into the house of God"
Thank you God for this experience and these dear and beloved parts of you I shared communion with today. Keep them and bless them always. Amen.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)